Based on the content of my blog this year, one might conclude that all I have done is paint, read poetry, cut out little words and commune with the moon. Throw in a couple cases of cava, a few truckloads of bonbons and you might have an accurate picture of my leisurely, color-splattered days. Except none of it would be true.
I started this blog (500 posts ago!!!) to share my story of homeschooling with Waldorf-inspired methods. I loved blogging in those early days. I was earnest, eager and energized. Blogging became an outlet for my writing, a space to share my photographs (Habit: Reflective Friday, how I miss you!) and a place to connect with other homeschoolers. I have always, always tried to show up here with a truthfulness and a transparency that presented an honest picture of what homeschooling looked like at our house.
This began to change about a year ago – but maybe it was even before that. I’m not really sure. Suffice to say, I have not written about homeschooling in a long, long time. I have hinted about my struggles this year, most candidly in this post, but I have not told the half of it. Frankly, I was much too vulnerable to share this story as it was happening. It’s only been in the last few weeks that I realized I am able to put words around my homeschooling breakdown/breakthrough. And it was only yesterday when I re-read this sentence from my previous post that everything became crystal clear: “Letting go of everything I can and delighting in what remains.” Yes. If I had to summarize my inner work from the past year in a dozen words or less . . . well, there you have it.
A couple of weeks ago, I attended a Celtic retreat in which we were invited to speak even if we didn’t know what we would say. That invitation captures the spirit of how I am choosing to move forward in this space at the moment. I have a powerful urge to speak about where I currently find myself in relation to homeschooling with Waldorf-inspired methods, however, I have no idea what I’m going to say. Whatever follows, you can be sure of two things: truthfulness and transparency.
** Read the next part of this story here.